Kinzy's arrival

At the end of my pregnancy, I was going once a week for my checkups, and everything was looking perfectly fine. Kinzy was head down and I was dilated to 2 cm for a few weeks. Dr. Hoffman (the best Dr ever) agreed to let me be induced, so we chose the date of February 9! My final checkup was Monday, February 7, two days before I was scheduled to be induced. I started hurting really bad the Thursday before. I was so uncomfortable and had a bad pain in my ribs and it was hard to catch my breath. I couldn't get comfortable sitting or laying down, but no contractions yet. At my apt, Dr. Hoffman started to check me to see if I dilated anymore, but when she did she said she didn't feel Kinzy's head. So she got out the ultrasound machine to take a peek. She put it right in my ribs where the pain was and there was Kinzy's face looking right at us! My heart dropped, a million things ran through my mind. I didn't know what to expect, what would happen, and I just wanted to cry. Dr. Hoffman told me I could still have a natural birth or she could go ahead schedule a c-section, which was my worst fear (that and an epidural lol.) She told me she could try to turn Kinzy head down and then induce me if I wanted to try that first, and if that didn't work then I would have to have a c-section. She wanted to go ahead and have me come in the next morning instead of waiting until Wednesday! So February 8, 2011 at 4am I checked into triage at Sacred Heart Hospital. I was so nervous about everything, especially the epidural, they wouldn't let Mark in the room with me while I got it because I had to be in the operating room. Everything had to be sterile in case she couldn't turn her so she could do the c-section right away. So Im sitting there up against the nurse, hugging a pillow, and the anesthesiologist pricks me in the back. It was just a pinch, thank God! I figured the worst part was coming, but after that I didn't feel anything but him pushing a little! It was a piece of cake, all that worrying for nothing! I figured it would kick in right away and I would be numb from then on. Wrong! In comes Dr. Hoffman, along with Mark, and about 4 students to watch. Im laying there on the operating table (just in case it doesn't work) and Dr. Hoffman grabs Kinzy's head and starts trying to pull her down. Pain, worst pain I've ever felt!!!! Epidural is def. not working yet! She tries this for about 15 or 20 minutes (felt like hours) but Kinzy's head would go down a little and then move right back up. Dr. Hoffman then asks if I want her to continue or would I like to just go ahead and have the c-section. I was SO scared of having a c-section so I asked her to try one more time and if it didn't work then she could go ahead and do it. She had given me a shot to relax my cervix (I think) to make it easier to turn her, so it must have helped because one final time she pulled Kinzy's head as hard as she could and pushed her butt at the same time and my epidural must have kicked in at that point because it didn't hurt anymore and Kinzy turned all the way to head down! Yay!!! I was SO relieved! So Dr. Hoffman broke my water and they moved me onto a bed and wheeled me to labor and delivery! I was so exhausted but excited! A lot of visitors stopped in during the next 5 hours. It seemed like it was taking forever, my epi wore off and contractions started (and hurt) and they finally gave me more in my epidural. Around 11am Dr. Hoffman had stopped back in to check me, my nurse had already told me I was at 5cm, but when Dr. Hoffman started to check me she didn't feel Kinzy's head AGAIN! She said, "that little stinker has turned again!" She hadn't turned much, her head was still down, just over to the right a little, but the big problem was her arm was up over (or under since she's upside down lol) her head. I couldn't deliver her like that because it would hurt her arm or break it! Dr. Hoffman decided to try and pull her arm away so I could still deliver her naturally but after about 15 minutes of trying to move her arm she said she was sorry but I would have to have a c-section! I already had the shakes pretty bad from the meds I guess but then I got so scared/nervous I was crying and the shakes got worse! The wheeled me into the operating room again and prepped me for surgery. Mark came in with his yellow cover ups on and sat next to me. They put up the curtain and started. Dr. Hoffman told me I would meet my baby girl in about 10 minutes!! I was so scared but so excited that the moment I had been waiting for was so close! Finally Dr. Hoffman told Mark to look over the curtain, and then she pulled our sweet sweet girl out (he said her arm popped up first then she pulled her out haha!) I was so happy to hear her sweet little cry! They brought her around the curtain and showed her to me but I couldn't hold her yet! It seemed like such a long time before I could see her again but they let Mark cut her chord and then hold her for a second before they brought her to me. They put her across my chest and I remember seeing her sweet little face, that was the best moment of my life! I love that little girl so big! It took them about an hour total to finish up the surgery and then they put me back in a bed and wheeled me to recovery. I waited and waited and they finally brought Kinzy back to me where I got to love on her and nurse her and Mark got to sit with us for a while! I felt so complete and I was so happy to have not only Kinzy in my arms, but Mark by my side! He was the best Daddy ever! He changed her first diaper because I couldn't get out of the bed yet. He helped so much in the hospital and those first few weeks when I was so sore and couldn't do much. I don't know what I would have done without him! I would nurse her and then he would come get her from me and swaddle her in her blanket and he was so good at it, unlike me haha! I am so happy to have my sweet baby girl, and to have the best husband and family! A lot of family and friends visited us during our 4 day stay at the hospital and helped us a lot in those first few weeks! I am so thankful for every moment and so very happy that we finally have our little family! Time is going by so fast and Kinzy is almost 4 months old! I love watching her grow and learn! She really is the best gift ever! I love you my little sweet K bear! (=

Here Goes...

So, this year was a rough start, the one thing I wanted more than anything was-much to my suprise-given to me..and very quickly taken back. It hurt so bad, but I now know there is a reason for everything. The reason is I haven't been living the life I'm supposed to live. I go up and go down..I have my good weeks and my bad. I know God has bigger plans for me than just this. I want to know that he will bless us with a baby, sooner, rather than later..but that's what my problem is, I won't just let go and let God. I know I have a long road ahead of me but here is where it starts. Its like a new chapter in my life, not much has changed other than my heart. I didn't get a new job, or move somewhere far away..I just opened my eyes and most importantly my heart. This weekend I am going on a Women's Retreat and I just pray that God 'open's the eyes to my heart' -just like the song. I need more, I constantly long for more. I want to know where I belong in this world. What is my purpose?! I am expecting BIG things this weekend! I want to see my God. I know this is what I need right now..so this is my new start and I will not turn back.